Siblings arguing or fighting over toys.
Children getting angry at their parents or act aggressively toward friends.
Is punishing children by making them stand in the corner, face the wall, or scold them an effective solution for these situations? What should parents do to address conflicts and clashes without causing psychological harm to their children?
In Session 4 of the Positive Parenting Course, Associate Professor Dr. Le Van Hao introduced Time Out as a method of discipline without corporal punishment. Time Out is not a punishment but an opportunity for children to calm down and reflect on their inappropriate behavior.
How to implement Time Out?
1. Separate the child from the situation: When your child exhibits inappropriate behavior, calmly guide them to a designated area. You can give this space a creative and positive name, such as “Alaska” (the cold zone), “Calm Down Corner,” or “Peace Corner.” This helps the child perceive it as a space for regaining composure rather than a place of punishment.
2. Keep it short: The duration should be brief—10 to 15 seconds or a number of minutes corresponding to the child’s age. Prolonged periods may make the child feel abandoned, leading to frustration and increased agitation.
3. Reconnect and educate: Once the child has calmed down, engage with them to help them understand which behaviors are appropriate and which need to change. For instance, you might say: “What do you think we can do next time to solve the problem without fighting?” This is an ideal moment to discuss emotions and teach healthy conflict-resolution skills.
Dr. Le Van Hao also highlighted important considerations for families when applying this method:
Avoid using Time Out for very young children: This method is most effective for children aged 3 to 9. It may not work well for children who are overly shy or anxious about being separated from their parents, or for older children who may not respond effectively to this approach.
Do not use Time Out as a punishment: Some parents wonder whether they should use threats to enforce compliance, such as saying, “If you do that again, you’ll have to sit in the corner.” However, Dr. Le Van Hao advises against piling up infractions or using Time Out as a threat. Doing so may confuse children into seeing it as a negative punishment, leading to resistance and a lack of cooperation. Children should not feel ashamed, scared, or rejected. Instead, parents should clearly explain the purpose of Time Out, helping the child understand that it is an opportunity to calm down and reflect on their behavior.
Parents also need time out. When feeling overly stressed or angry, parents too should take some time to calm down before addressing the issue with their children.
If parents frequently scold, yell, or shout, children are not only less likely to listen but may also become fearful, withdrawn, or even more irritable, stubborn, and resistant. Instead, parents should use Time Out to give children time to calm down and learn how to manage strong emotions such as anger, frustration, or sadness. As a result, children can develop self-awareness, modify their behavior, and parents can foster a loving and empathetic family environment.