The sixth lesson in the Positive Parenting course, titled “Encouragement: Creating Motivation and Confidence for Your Child,” began with an interesting experiment led by Associate Professor Dr. Le Van Hao, a psychological expert and former Deputy Director of the Vietnam Institute of Psychology. Two parents were tasked with finding an object hidden in the classroom. Parent 1 received encouragement and applause whenever they got closer to the object, while Parent 2 heard negative comments such as “It’s too difficult” and “You’ll never find it.” After a while, Parent 1 found the object, while Parent 2 did not. This experiment conveyed the message that timely and proper encouragement can motivate individuals and help them overcome difficulties.
However, knowing how to praise correctly is also a topic that often leaves many parents feeling uncertain, as encouragement is not always easily accepted by children. Many parents have experienced the situation where “parents praise, but children react negatively.” Phan Thi Thu Trang shared that despite her sincere encouragement and praise whenever her child performed well academically, her child always avoided the praise and did not respond positively. In response to this, Dr. Le Van Hao explained that children and parents often have different definitions of “being good.” While parents see their children as capable and deserving of praise, children may feel they are not good enough when comparing themselves to their peers or their own personal standards. This can make it difficult for children to feel happy when receiving praise from their parents.
To address this issue, Dr. Hao advises parents to change their approach to encouragement. Instead of focusing solely on the child, parents can shift the encouragement to themselves, for example, “I’m so happy that you were able to solve this difficult problem” or “I’m really proud of you for getting a high score; keep up the good work!” This not only makes the child feel acknowledged but also helps them understand that success is the result of effort and determination.
Encouragement in positive discipline is not just about praise, but also about understanding and acceptance from parents. Dr. Le Van Hao offers parents 5 rules to make their encouragement more effective:
- Acknowledge and encourage specific actions.
- Praise or encourage specifically and name a quality.
- The praise or encouragement must be sincere.
- The praise or encouragement should always leave a positive emotion.
- When a new positive behavior is formed, it should be encouraged immediately.
Encouragement is a powerful tool in building confidence and motivation in children. However, to achieve the best results, parents need to understand that encouragement is not just empty praise. The way encouragement is delivered should be tailored to each child’s personality and feelings. By focusing on effort, the developmental process, and the child’s unique qualities, encouragement will become a driving force that helps children grow with confidence and strength within both the family and society.
